Farewell Taxing 2014

Silence has been the overarching theme on my blog in 2014, particularly at the end of the year, which was taxing emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Not only had I to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of a ride the grief of my dad's illness brought, I also had a newly-walking toddler to follow around, who also challenged me on a mental level, along with my displeasure with work.

It all culminated in November, when my Dad finally received the release he so deserved. The Alzheimer's had had its fill of his mind and also of his body - his mind disappeared first, and finally he was barely recognisable near the end: simply a shell of the man his family once knew.

I know it sounds terrible, but I was pleased that he passed silently and peacefully in his sleep. He, least of all, deserved the pain so often associated with death.

Shortly before his passing, his fast regression inspired me to make a move I'd been wanting to take a for a while. But the excitement I felt at the move was shouldered aside when he left. Standing with the eulogy I had written and rewritten over and over again because it could not possibly do him justice and looking at the people he's touched, something wonderful had clearly gone from the world and would clearly be missed. I've been struggling to find the motivation to move on, to work hard, to make him proud. But I often feel bereft.

I know it will get better. One day. But not yet.

{Image credit: Lette Valeska [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons}


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