April 22, 2011
The Struggle with Sexuality
11:41 AM feminism , gender , objectification , sexism , sexualisation , sexuality , Society , thoughts
I read a post today on The Sexy Feminist about how women are struggling with their sexuality in a world that is dictating it for them. We are told how to be sexy in everything in society - television, books, magazines, even pornography is telling us - and the men we love - what it is that makes women attractive and sexy.
This results in our men forming fantasies about us based on women they are attracted to in film and media, and, if they're brave enough, requesting us to fulfil their fantasies. Invariably, however, simply because the women in the media are not real, we actually feel rather uncomfortable walking around in Daisy Duke's shorts or without panties like in Basic Instinct, or in the sky-high stilettos the porn stars love to wear. I don't mean to generalise, because I know that some women do enjoy these things, but the vast majority of women really just want to be comfortable.
More importantly, they just want to be comfortable with themselves. They want to feel sexy just as they are - being skinnier is on practically every woman's to-do list. Why? Because the models in the media are not normal, and they are obviously more attractive, right? They are the women both men and women look to in order to find out what is attractive. But any woman will tell you that when their man looks at them with love in their eyes, it really doesn't matter how pretty or sexy you are in comparison to these other women. Love transcends that.
More often than not, the fantasies are more about whether or not men can have what they want than because they really want it. They are, after all, told that it's what men want.
So what are we to do? I have to say that I think communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. You need to be able to talk to your partner about everything. Talk about fantasies, talk about comfort, talk about everything.